So, I thought really long...rather alot, actually. And what else could I really say here that wouldn't just reflect my attitude that everyone sees, the mannerisms of my mind?

And because of that, which prolly makes no sense cept to me, I'll just keep it short.




I'm taking a...break. So, I'll be back round eventually.

Who could even care, you know? I'm so distant anymore, it saddens me at times...but, other times I'm just so weary that I'd rather not make the effort to try to reach out to people who will soon disappear. Or, even better yet, to make the effort to reach out to people who will just as soon forget and ignore me once I'm out of their immediate view of attention for a few days.

Its like a never-ending battle, to try and keep up with people, to try and listen to what they say and try and be concerned about the things that happen around you. But, then things like Ermin just up and leaving today just make me want to go and bash something into a bloody, unrecognizeable pulp and then go and jump into the waters beyond Midnight.

You know what...I've come up with a new philosophy. I give up on trying to understand just about anything. Stuff will just keep getting thrown my way, and I'll keep fumbling it, no matter what! So, all's I gotta do now is figure out a way to live with that...


People will always disappear, and I'm tired of trying to convince them that there is a reason to stay. Because, sometimes, I have to search and search for that reason myself...oh, the tangled webs we weave and the broken hearts we leave....

To let the heart linger,
on sorrows of old?
To let the mind sleep,
and the body unfold?
To bite back bittersweet bile
that threatens to burn?
Or let the stomach, riled,
twist and churn?

Does one dare to taste the foridden fruit?
Do you dare to dig up evil's root?
Make a choice, take the chance...
Not a look, nor a backward glance...

Amzer came by...and, I'm afraid I will never see him again....poor lost Wolf, how his heart is empty anymore...I miss the way he had begun to act, the way he was proud of taking me to the temple....



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So, yes I burned my hands-Ryann was kind enough to even heal them for me, though as he says he "left the calluses as a reminder". I guess he thinks that what I'm doing is stupid, but I lost that lute, and too many memories have gone with it. And I'd rather leave them as they are, simply a fond memory. Until I run across another lute that seems to call to my heart as instruments do to those who have the soul, I shall remain content to fiddle around with making my dagger. Still though, like he has any cause to worry over me. Not like I'm some helpless child, or a wayward ro-oh wait, I am a rogue...Anywho, he doesn't have the right. I'll do what I want, just as he will always do as he wishes.

So, to the dagger...I thought it would be interesting, to add a little bit of curve to the blade. Not much, just little waves to make it more of an ornament than a true weapon. Thats kinda hard to do, so I've gone for sorta filing down the blade still, folding over again, and adding the hilt. I've looked all around, again and again, and yet its still so hard to find anything really perfect to use. So, I've borrowed some supplies from the OSS guild forge, and left a considerable amount of plat and gifts at the table. I do hope it was enough...

So here I am again, at the base of this tree, watching the wolfs eye me like a dangerous treat and the soft call of whispering metal soothing my dangerously confused mind....

I've worked on and off with a piece of wood to get a nice shape, but after awhile it began to pall. So, I took one of the old rusty broadswords-I know, they seem absolutely worthless don't they? But after a bit of working, its not so bad. Its awfully hard, but not impossible-and despite the heat of that forge, I just kept working like I'd seen, and folding the metal over and over to get it to a decent dagger size. It was a broadsword though, and I'm afraid that the smallest I'll get it to is a dirk-like weapon. Nevertheless, its one of the most beautiful things to me, because even though its unfinished I can see what it is underneath, and I just keep working towards that image. I've gone to taking the reshaped metal, and ah...borrowing a few tools...and sitting beneath the trees in the forest. Just sitting, for marcs upon marcs with a sharpening stone and listening to it whisper across the cold steel. And if I feel the need to change it a bit, why back to the forge. I've yet to decide what exactly to put for the pommel stone, and the hilt needs to made as well...the old one on the broadsword had to be removed, it was too big of course. I wonder how I'd go about making the hilt...?

Blah blah blah...another day, not much new to say...watch and weight, the marcs that fly away...

My limited times around here are still a wonderful thing to cherish..messing with Bryg, and CAT...especially her cursed superglue. And you'd expect a rogue to do any differently if you put glue on her hand?! Hope that fall over the cliff didn't hurt her too bad...hope the plat purse caught up to her on the way down, too!!

Since I seem to be an utter failure at training-not just because of my, ahem, laziness-but also due to the fact that I can't seem to hardly defeat anything, I've decided to go to work on something more productive. I ain't sang a song in ages, and I'm quite content to leave it that way for now. The lute, last time I checked, was in the OSS guildhall...for all I know, they coulda changed it by now and poof, its gone! But for now, that doesn't worry me.

Instead, I've decided to work on a dagger. I may not fight much, and I may not even be around much, but something I've always appreciated is good craftmanship. So, thought I would give it a try myself, eh? Course, I don't rightly know anything about smithing...but, thats no barrier! I'll just have to start working on wood first, get a feel and a model....so, practice the whittling skills a bit...little more here, little there....and wahlah, I'll have a model to look at. Maybe if the OSS forge is still there, I can try makin the dagger down there....